Examples of narcissism in everyday life include constantly interrupting conversations to talk about themselves, taking credit for others’ work, showing no genuine interest in your feelings, expecting special treatment, and reacting with rage when criticized
You’re not making this up.
These patterns you’ve noticed aren’t just someone having a bad day or being occasionally self-centered.
I’ve spent years documenting how narcissism actually shows up in real relationships, real workplaces, and real families—and I want to share those concrete examples with you today.
What I’ve learned in my practice is that examples are more powerful than definitions.
You can read diagnostic criteria all day, but it’s the specific scenarios that make you think: “Oh my god, that’s exactly what happens to me.”
Why Examples Matter More Than Definitions
Here’s something I’ve noticed over the years:
People don’t come to therapy saying “I think my partner has Narcissistic Personality Disorder.”
They come in and tell me stories.
Stories about what happened last Tuesday. Stories about how conversations always end. Stories about patterns that make them feel crazy.
These stories ARE the examples of narcissism.
And when I reflect back what I’m hearing, there’s almost always this moment of recognition: “So it’s not just me?”
No. It’s not just you.
According to the DSM-5-TR, narcissistic personality patterns are characterized by pervasive grandiosity, need for admiration, and lack of empathy (American Psychiatric Association, 2022). But in my practice, these clinical terms come alive through specific, recognizable behaviors.
Common Examples of Narcissism: A Categorized Overview
CategoryBehavior PatternKey IdentifierImpact on OthersConversation ControlHijacking, one-upping, story stealingEvery topic redirects to themFeeling unheard and invisibleDouble StandardsDifferent rules for themselves vs. others"Do as I say, not as I do"Confusion and resentmentCriticism ResponseExplosive reactions to feedbackDisproportionate defensivenessWalking on eggshellsImage ManagementPublic charm, private crueltyJekyll & Hyde behaviorIsolation and self-doubtCredit ManipulationTaking credit, deflecting blameYour wins become theirsDiminished self-worthEmpathy DeficitsDisappearing when you need supportUnable to connect with your painEmotional abandonmentReality DistortionGaslighting and memory revision"That never happened"Questioning your sanityBoundary ViolationsIgnoring your stated limitsYour "no" doesn't matterLoss of autonomy
Examples of Narcissism in Relationships
The Conversation Hijacker
Research shows that narcissists demonstrate significantly reduced perspective-taking abilities, particularly in intimate relationships (Ritter et al., 2011).
Example: The One-Upper
You tell your partner you got a promotion at work.
Instead of celebrating with you, they immediately launch into a story about their bigger promotion, harder job, or more impressive achievement.
What this looks like in real life:
Sarah came to my office excited about finishing her first 5K race.
When she told her husband, he said: “That’s nice. You know, I ran a marathon in college. Now THAT was hard.”
Her achievement disappeared in seconds.
The narcissistic pattern: Your success is threatening to them, so they minimize it and redirect attention to themselves.
Example: The Story Thief
You’re at a dinner party telling a story.
Halfway through, they interrupt and finish telling YOUR story as if they experienced it, they were the interesting one, and your perspective doesn’t matter.
What this looks like in real life:
I worked with someone whose wife would literally do this at every social gathering.
He’d start: “So we went to this restaurant and—”
She’d cut in: “Oh, let ME tell this story! So I discovered this amazing place…”
His experience became her anecdote. His feelings became her entertaining narrative. He became a prop in her performance.
The narcissistic pattern: They can’t let you have your moment because all moments should be about them.
The Double Standard Expert
Example: Rules for Thee, Not for Me
Dr. W. Keith Campbell’s extensive research on narcissism reveals that narcissists consistently exhibit entitled behavior while denying the same considerations to others (Twenge & Campbell, 2009).
They have access to your phone, email, and social media. But their phone is password-protected and you’re “controlling” for asking about it.
They can have friends of the opposite sex. But you get interrogated if you mention a coworker’s name.
They can stay out late without explanation. But you need to account for every minute you’re not home.
What this looks like in real life:
Michael’s partner demanded to know his location at all times.
She’d call him repeatedly if he didn’t answer immediately.
But when he asked where she’d been one evening?
“You’re so controlling. I’m allowed to have a life. Why don’t trust me?”
The narcissistic pattern: Different rules apply to them because they’re special, and you exist to accommodate their needs.
The Criticism Catastrophizer
Example: The Gentle Feedback Explosion
You say: “Hey, could you please not leave wet towels on the bed?”
They respond with explosive statements like “You think I do EVERYTHING wrong!” or “I can never do anything right for you!”
What this looks like in real life:
One client told her husband: “The way you spoke to me in front of my parents hurt my feelings.”
His response?
Two days of silent treatment. Then an explosion about how she “humiliates him constantly.” Then bringing up something she did wrong three years ago.
She ended up apologizing to him for bringing it up.
The narcissistic pattern: Any feedback, no matter how gentle, is experienced as a devastating attack and must be punished.
Research on narcissistic injury reveals that narcissists experience criticism as a threat to their grandiose self-image, triggering defensive rage responses (Pincus & Lukowitsky, 2010).
Example: The Perpetual Victim
No matter what happened, they’re always the wronged party.
Even when they clearly hurt you, somehow you end up being the bad guy.
What this looks like in real life:
David confronted his partner about an affair.
Her response?
“Do you know how lonely YOU made ME feel? This is your fault for not paying enough attention to me. You DROVE me to this!”
David found himself consoling HER about the affair HE discovered.
The narcissistic pattern: DARVO—Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender.
Dr. Jennifer Freyd’s research at the University of Oregon documented this pattern where perpetrators deflect accountability by claiming victim status (Freyd, 1997).
Examples of Narcissism in Family Dynamics
The Narcissistic Parent
Example: The Achievement Parasite
Your accomplishments are only valuable if they make the narcissistic parent look good.
What this looks like in real life:
Amanda got into medical school.
Her narcissistic mother’s response included social media posts about what a great mom she is, telling everyone “my daughter the doctor” before Amanda even started, and showing up to Amanda’s white coat ceremony to make it about herself.
But when Amanda struggled during her first year?
“I didn’t raise you to be a quitter. You’re embarrassing me.”
The narcissistic pattern: Your life exists to enhance their image.
Example: The Golden Child vs. Scapegoat
One child can do no wrong. The other child can do nothing right.
What this looks like in real life:
In Mark’s family, his brother could drop out of college and it was “he’s finding himself.”
Mark got a B instead of an A and heard “Why can’t you be more like your brother?”
Same behavior, completely different responses depending on who does it.
The narcissistic pattern: Children are assigned roles that serve the narcissistic parent’s emotional needs, not based on the children’s actual qualities.
Dr. Craig Malkin’s research at Harvard Medical School documents how narcissistic parents use children as extensions of themselves rather than recognizing them as separate individuals (Malkin, 2015).
Examples of Narcissism in the Workplace
Professional Settings
Workplace BehaviorExampleImpactCredit TheftYour idea becomes their innovation in meetingsStifled career growthImpossible StandardsConstantly moving goalposts and changing requirementsPerpetual inadequacySelective VisibilityTakes credit for success, blames team for failuresDemoralizationBoundary ViolationsAfter-hours demands, disrespect for personal timeBurnout and resentment
Example: The Credit Thief
In a team meeting, Jessica suggested a new approach to a project.
Her narcissistic manager said: “Hmm, not sure about that.”
Two days later, in front of senior leadership, he presented Jessica’s exact idea as his own innovation.
When Jessica mentioned it privately: “Well, you inspired my thinking. You should be flattered.”
The narcissistic pattern: They parasitically attach to others’ competence while maintaining their superior image.
Example: The Impossible Standard
Carlos worked for a narcissistic executive who would ask for a report by Friday, then change the requirements Thursday afternoon.
The manager would praise his work publicly, then criticize tiny details privately.
He’d set impossible deadlines, then blame Carlos for not meeting them.
The message was always clear: “If you were better, this would be easier.”
The narcissistic pattern: Moving goalposts keep you perpetually trying to earn approval you’ll never receive.
Subtle Examples of Narcissism: Covert Variations
Not all examples of narcissism are obvious grandiosity.
Dr. Ramani Durvasula’s clinical work highlights that covert narcissism often manifests through victimhood and passive-aggressive control (Durvasula, 2015).
The Covert Patterns
Example: The Martyr
They do things for you that you didn’t ask for, then hold it over your head forever.
What this looks like in real life:
Nina’s mother-in-law would show up uninvited to “help” with the baby, reorganize Nina’s kitchen without asking, and buy things for the house that Nina didn’t want.
Then, in every disagreement: “After EVERYTHING I’ve done for you…”
The narcissistic pattern: Unrequested “generosity” becomes a tool for control and guilt.
Example: The Vulnerable Narcissist
They’re always suffering, always struggling, always need saving. But never actually change or improve.
What this looks like in real life:
James’s friend would call him at 2 AM in crisis, every week, for years.
James would drop everything to help.
But when James went through a difficult divorce and needed support?
The friend was too depressed to help, made the conversation about their problems, and disappeared until they needed something again.
The narcissistic pattern: They use vulnerability as a way to extract resources while offering nothing in return.
Examples of Gaslighting: Reality Distortion
Dr. Robin Stern’s research at the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence defines gaslighting as a pattern of psychological manipulation that makes victims question their reality (Stern, 2018).
Example: The History Rewriter
They said something cruel. You remember it clearly. They insist it never happened.
What this looks like in real life:
During an argument, Robert’s partner said: “You’re a terrible father. The kids would be better off without you.”
The next day, Robert brought it up.
Her response: “I never said that. You’re making things up. Are you feeling okay? Maybe you should see someone about your memory.”
The narcissistic pattern: Denying documented reality to make you doubt your perceptions.
Example: The Emotion Invalidator
Whatever you feel is wrong.
Common responses include “You’re too sensitive,” “You’re overreacting,” “I was just joking,” or “You always take things the wrong way.”
What this looks like in real life:
Patricia told her husband his comment about her weight hurt her feelings.
His response: “I didn’t mean it that way, so you’re choosing to be offended. If you really loved me, you wouldn’t twist my words like this.”
Somehow SHE ended up apologizing for being hurt.
The narcissistic pattern: Their intention matters more than your impact.
How These Examples Build Into Patterns
Here’s what I want you to understand:
One example doesn’t make someone a narcissist.
Maybe they had a bad day. Maybe they made a mistake. Maybe they were stressed.
But a pattern of these examples? That’s different.
Pattern Recognition Framework
Assessment FactorNormal BehaviorNarcissistic PatternFrequencyOccasional incidentsConsistent, predictable occurrencesAccountabilityGenuine apologies with changed behaviorHollow apologies or blame-shiftingPerspective-TakingCan see your viewpointOnly their viewpoint mattersResponse to FeedbackConsiders and adjustsDefensive or retaliatoryEmpathyPresent even when inconvenientAbsent when you need supportBehavior ChangeImproves over time with effortRemains static despite promises
According to Campbell and Foster’s research, consistency across contexts and relationships is a key indicator of narcissistic personality patterns rather than situational stress (Campbell & Foster, 2007).
What to Do When You Recognize These Examples
If you’re seeing these examples in your own life, you’re probably feeling relief mixed with grief and fear.
All of those feelings are valid.
Immediate Steps
Start Documenting
Keep records of specific examples through saved texts, emails, and a private journal of incidents.
This helps you trust your reality when gaslighting occurs.
Talk to Safe People
Share specific examples with trusted friends.
Their outside perspective can validate your experience, as narcissists often isolate their targets.
Establish Boundaries
Based on the examples you’ve identified, create clear limits such as “I won’t continue conversations where I’m being yelled at” or “That behavior isn’t acceptable to me.”
Trust Your Perceptions
If you’ve identified multiple examples from this article, if the pattern is consistent, and if you feel the emotional impacts described, you’re not imagining this.
Examples of Narcissism vs. Other Issues
The Distinguishing Factors
Depression or Anxiety:
Person acknowledges they’re struggling, feels bad about their behavior, wants to do better, and works on changing.
Narcissistic Pattern:
They don’t genuinely see the problem, any acknowledgment is strategic rather than sincere, the pattern continues regardless of consequences, and you’re blamed for their behavior.
Stress or Difficult Times:
Behavior changes when stressor is removed, person apologizes when things calm down, it’s temporary and situational, and they show genuine remorse.
Narcissistic Pattern:
Behavior is consistent across situations, apologies are hollow or blame-shifting, it’s ongoing regardless of circumstances, and they show no genuine remorse.
When Professional Help Is Needed
If you’re seeing multiple examples of narcissism in your relationship, consider individual therapy if these patterns are consistent and pervasive, you’re questioning your sanity or reality, or the relationship is affecting your mental health.
Important note:
Research suggests couples counseling with a narcissist is often not recommended (Durvasula, 2015).
Why? They use therapy language as weapons, perform for the therapist, may get worse after sessions, and use your vulnerabilities against you.
Instead, seek individual support for yourself with someone who understands narcissistic dynamics.
The Most Important Example: Your Own Experience
Here’s what I’ve learned after years of working with people affected by narcissism:
Your experience is the most important example.
Not what others see. Not who the narcissist appears to be in public. Not whether they “mean” to hurt you.
Your consistent experience matters.
If you recognize multiple examples from this article, see these patterns happening regularly, feel the emotional impacts described, and notice the behaviors don’t change despite your efforts—trust that.
You’re Not:
Too sensitive, making it up, overreacting, or the crazy one.
You’re:
Recognizing a pattern, trusting your perceptions, taking your wellbeing seriously, and deserving of better treatment.
Moving From Examples to Action
Understanding examples of narcissism is powerful, but understanding alone doesn’t change your situation.
What changes things: trusting what you’re seeing, setting and maintaining boundaries, getting support from people who understand, and making decisions based on patterns rather than promises.
You don’t need to convince the narcissist they’re narcissistic, get them to admit what they’re doing, wait for them to change, or prove to others what you’re experiencing.
You just need to trust your own experience, protect your wellbeing, get professional support if needed, and make choices that honor your reality
References & Clinical Sources
American Psychiatric Association. (2022). Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (5th ed., text rev.). https://doi.org/10.1176/appi.books.9780890425787
Campbell, W. K., & Foster, J. D. (2007). The narcissistic self: Background, an extended agency model, and ongoing controversies. In C. Sedikides & S. Spencer (Eds.), The Self (pp. 115-138). Psychology Press.
Durvasula, R. (2015). “Should I Stay or Should I Go?”: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist. Post Hill Press.
Freyd, J. J. (1997). Violations of power, adaptive blindness, and betrayal trauma theory. Feminism & Psychology, 7(1), 22-32. https://doi.org/10.1177/0959353597071004
Malkin, C. (2015). Rethinking Narcissism: The Secret to Recognizing and Coping with Narcissists. HarperCollins.
Pincus, A. L., & Lukowitsky, M. R. (2010). Pathological narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder. Annual Review of Clinical Psychology, 6, 421-446. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev.clinpsy.121208.131215
Ritter, K., et al. (2011). Lack of empathy in patients with narcissistic personality disorder. Psychiatry Research, 187(1-2), 241-247. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.psychres.2010.09.013
Stern, R. (2018). The Gaslight Effect: How to Spot and Survive the Hidden Manipulation Others Use to Control Your Life. Harmony Books.
Twenge, J. M., & Campbell, W. K. (2009). The Narcissism Epidemic: Living in the Age of Entitlement. Free Press.
Author Credentials: The information in this article is based on peer-reviewed research, clinical diagnostic criteria. This content is for educational purposes and is not a substitute for professional mental health care.
